Writing on a Whim: My Therapy

Wow.

Lately my life has been a whirlwind!

I hate when I neglect my writing and this blog because I almost feel I’m abandoning myself when I do so. But sometimes “life happens,” and you have to roll with it as best you can!

So now I’m sitting here today, after finally decluttering the piles that have gathered over the last few weeks in my apartment, listening to the dryer tumble and the dishwasher roar.

And I’m just going to write! 

I’m going to tell you why I’ve been absent and I’m not going to edit… I’m not going to plan… I’m just going to write.

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January 3rd

I haven’t talked about it on here yet, but some of you may know that my husband and I are charging with “gazelle intensity” at our debt (student loans). This is a term used by Dave Ramsey in his teachings on how to get out of debt, live debt-free, and build a strong financial future for yourself and your family.

And when he chose the word intensity, it was NO JOKE!

This has been intense! It’s been intense on our relationship with each other, our energy levels, our work life, our relationship with God, our friendships and our health.

We now have five jobs between the two of us and have almost doubled our original income. But we’re on a “rice & beans” budget, using as mostly cash over cards, delegated into categorical envelops, so we can throw all the extra money at debt. We’ve had many discussions over the best way to spend money, which car to fix and what to fix, and how much we can financially give over our tithe.

Even in the midst of all this, we had more hostile arguments over finances before we began this process than after.

Now we’re intentionally on the same page. When we paid off that first loan, the feeling was so rewarding! Knowing we’re in this together working towards a common goal for health in this area our life has been amazing!

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Christmas Eve

But he started working several late evenings a week at Pizza Hut, then I got hired at Charis House, our local Rescue Mission’s shelter for homeless women and children. Plus I had just signed up to start my own Mary Kay business a couple of weeks before I got the job offer. The training for work at the Rescue Mission has been so good but so much more time-consuming than I expected. That, coupled with trying to achieve all the start-up goals for my new business, completely took over my time.

The only things that really kept me from regretting any of my decisions to start these new jobs was, 1, it was only for a season (training was 3 weeks and about 5 more days a week than my actual shift will be), and 2, my husband was my biggest fan in all of it! I honestly think he was more excited for me starting up Mary Kay than I even was!

People would ask me if I was spreading myself too thin, and I still will say no for those two reasons.

That being said, last Sunday morning, after the two weeks immediately following our busy holidays being non-stop work and travel with no days or even evenings off, I finally had a meltdown.

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Speaking for our student ministry, Elevate, last week.

I was exhausted when I woke up but still had to be at the church for various responsibilities. Right before we left, Kyle and I had a misunderstanding of some sort, so I started feeling down on top of the exhaustion. By the time I got to the church, my mind couldn’t stop racing with everything I had to do the upcoming week and how I didn’t have any time to do any of it! On top of that, I was beginning to feel the stress of various personal life circumstances going on.

I hid in my husband’s office before service. I texted him, “I don’t think I can do this.” He quickly came to the office and told me he’d take over what I was supposed to be doing that day. I sat in the office, mind racing, and cried.

On the way home, Kyle reassured me he understood, telling me I hadn’t even had a down day in weeks.

I hadn’t been able to eat the way I needed to, exercise like I wanted to, blog as my creative outlet, or spend just “friend” time with friends without it being work-related.

We grabbed lunch to go and I slept as soon as I was done eating. Kyle went to work that night and I stayed home to relax. I watched the first two parts of a series by Andy Stanley called Time of Your Life which was all about managing your time to the glory of God. I hadn’t been doing anything hugely wrong, I was in a super busy season (a speaker at a recent Mary Kay event said we should all use “in demand” rather than “busy” 🙂 ).

And you know what? His messages didn’t leave me feeling guilty at all. I felt refreshed.

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via Tiffany Boruff

I realized I would have had to kill myself at this point to reach by new business start-up challenges, so I made peace with not getting there and took the week off. I kept my scheduled appointments, but didn’t add anything. Instead, I watched inspirational videos and listened to their motivational podcasts.

I’m going into my Charis House training this week – my last week – simply understanding that I am who I am and that’s good enough. I’m qualified, and what I lack in specific experience, I make up for in being eager to learn and a hard worker.

And Kyle and I talked about the importance of having room to “play” in the midst of this financially stretching season. We’re using some of the money I get from my first training paycheck to get a Planet Fitness membership. The most consistent and happy I’ve ever been with my physical health was when I was working out there – together with my husband.

I’m not saying I’m all roses and butterflies now.

Not at all.

What I am is coasting. I’m just getting through this last week of training, then starting over with a fresh schedule and new routine next week.

And next week, I’ll be freshly 24 years old with a fresh haircut, too 😉

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