As some of you know from previous posts, I’ve been going through something I would refer to as “identity issues,” although that term makes it sound heavier than it probable is. Recently though, I’ve had a few perspective-shaping moments that have helped move me along in the process.
My husband and I had our first nights apart since the wedding this week. Shortly before he left, he mentioned how this might be a good time for me to pray about what my calling is. I quickly retorted that I most certainly knew what my calling was – it’s identity I’m confused about.
This small exchange made us both realize the difference between calling and identity, and more closely examine the similarities.
All of you who have been well-versed in Sunday School etiquette are passionately counseling me through your computer screen that of course my identity is in Christ. Yes, I know. But where my identity is found doesn’t directly explain what my identity is.
A silly yet telling sign that I hadn’t really discerned my identity was when I went to write the headline for my Twitter page. This isabout 1-2 lines where users typically explain themselves with a few descriptive words or phrases to tell followers their family role, their vocation, and their passions and interests. When I stared at the blank box, I was at a loss.
I know I’m called to be a wife. I know I’m called to one day be a mother. I know I’m called to adopt. Most of these things I’ve known for a while. I’m even confident I’m called to be in the helping profession in one way or another. But do any of those things really or at all define my identity?
While Kyle was out of town last week, my friend Stephanie came for a visit. We are always able to talk candidly about what’s going on in our lives, especially relating to our relationship with God. As we talked, being the verbal processor that I am, things became more clear. I realized things I felt God had been asking me to do for weeks and even years – things I’d efficiently ignored. I also gained ideas on how to obey, even though the obedience was coming late. The momentum and motivation to move forward rather than remain stagnant built up once again, and I’m excited.
I’ve been known to say more than once that life is not about finding ourselves, but rather about becoming confident in who God has created us to be. I’m realizing that discovering who He’s created us to be is a process itself.
I hope to write more soon about other things God has revealed to me in this journey. But for now I can tell you this, each step has proven to bring more and more excitement!